Update: full time school-full time work
IT FUCKING SUCKS. i don’t know how people do it. i feel sick and tired all of the time. Well, that’s a lie.. I still have my good days and my bad. I just hate it. I feel like I can never have that peace of mind, I need/want.
I’d rather be broke and educated. or uneducated and ballin’. but I can’t give it up so easily. I’ll feel like a failure. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to save up for, so ready to finish and get something out of what I’m doing. It is such a slow process. I often don’t feel like I’m getting better at anything. Like my mental capacity is at a stand still. Maybe I wasn’t made to be as intelligent and able as some of my peers, maybe I’m holding myself back. I just really fucking hate it. The stress of having to take on paying bills, dealing with the people who expect more out of you, it’s exhausting.
When I worked at a non-profit that handled suicide prevention, I had access to the donation records. Each month, a specific man donated 15$ to our organization. It was like clockwork.. same day, same man, he had been doing this for over 4 years. It always seemed odd to me but I never questioned it… until I saw a note attached one month. "For Noah- Dad"
his donation was once his child’s allowance.
I can promise you, they would miss you for the rest of their lives.
Everyttime I mention the movie, There Will Be Blood, Gabby points at her vagina and giggles.